I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
