My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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