There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
