We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
