wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
