Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
