Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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