3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
