Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
try to milk me bitch
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