OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
