Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
