sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
