shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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