You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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