chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
