You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
