sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
