I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
