Sry I called you an 8
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
