fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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