am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
