proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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