It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
