Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish you could order shots online.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
