woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
