it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and she was petting her beer can
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
