I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
