Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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