Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize