i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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