in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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