I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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