i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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