new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
