It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
