Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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