He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
