i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
