Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
