Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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