we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
