I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
