Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
