Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
