there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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