His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Drake has all the answers
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
