Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
