i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
