I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
