can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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