**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
