you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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